Adventures Of Atom Smith

I was an extra for a movie today. It was interesting. I ran across a notice online which explained that it was a mockumentary. One of those comedic fake documentaries. The movie was the Westminster Wife Show. According to the notice:

*Must be 18
*Must be available Tuesday 4/3 afternoon/evening
*Must be comfortable with female nudity
*Must be reliable
*Must sign talent release forms

I like how they were careful to put the part about female nudity precisely in the center of the requirements in order to avoid makinmg a big deal about it. I think they may have come up with the one about being “reliable” (whatever that means for a gig where you have to show up one time at two in the afternoon…), solely so that the nudity line item was buried further in the middle of the list. Since they billed it as a mockumentary, I assumed that it would be mostly comedy, with the possibility of a nipple slip or something happening once or twice during the shooting.

The email address for the production was a single use email address at hotmail.com, rather than personname@productioncompany.com. When I got there, I signed a release for “Colorado Satellite Broadcasting,” which was apparently the name of the production company. When I asked what sort of distribution was planned for the film, I was rather vaguely told that it was intended for an “On Demand” video service.

Now, the clever among you have already come to some sort of suspicion about the exact nature of this film just from what I’ve said so far. Kristen, on the other hand probably doesn’t want to know, and ought to just skip the rest of this post.

That’s right, I was an extra for a “saucy” Pay Per View film. And, by “film,” I mean cheaply made video production. Colorado Satellite Broadcasting is apparently some sort of shell/puppet organization which doesn’t have its own website. It has to do with New Frontiers Media Corporation. Of course, New Frontiers operates under a different trademark when they distribute their content. I quote from the New Frontiers website: “TEN, The Erotic Networks, is a leader in the electronic distribution of adult oriented entertainment.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. I wouldn’t have tried.

The Westminster Wife Show is a competition which features events like changing clothes in front of a camera, topless laundry sorting, and topless beer carrying. All in good fun, I suppose, but they had some of us record brief interviews about how much we liked the “Show withing the film” before we got far enough into the day to realize that there isn’t any plot. This should actually prove rather funny with people talking about how they feel that the show has done so much to help the community, immediately followed by a scene where a topless woman sprays beer all over herself. In order to ensure a minimization of boredom, I didn’t bother to maintain any character consistency in my several mini interviews. At one point I was a Westminster native, later a crazy Russian, and then an Irishman. There were many boobies, but I spent a bit of time plating pizza and helping the crew because the boobies were phenominally boring. Good luck to the editor.

I heard back from Madcap about Sunday’s audition. Got a nice form email saying that they had picked some other folks. Oh well. Not a terrible thing. The theater is fairly close to where I live, and it would pay. Even so, my improv style is a bit different from their’s. I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way, but I’ve never been a big fan of loud stock music or props and they use both. Now I just need to find something to do that I would like even better.

I know this blog has several readers. Leave a comment, dammit. This blog is all about me trying to make myself feel important by getting other people to read about stuff that I do. Comments help with the feeling important part.

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