Ah, Freak Train… Last Monday was Memorial day, which naturally occurs on the last Monday of the month. This makes it the one holiday Freak Train is guaranteed to overlap with every year. So, full of barbecue, I headed to the Bug. So full, in fact, that I had no particular interest in performing. Alas, the life of a performer is no so simple as that. You see, when I got there, I was the 13th Freak. This is the one person arbitrarily selected by a number picked the previous month to perform without having bothered to sign up.
Now, generally speaking, the 13th Freak is given some guidance about what to perform, and some items to use and whatnot. Geree (the host) however decided to give me absolutely nothing, except to put me suddenly on the spot by telling me to ask for suggestions from the audience, since she knows I am a member of an improv troupe. They were “Lindsay Lohan,” “Florida,” and “spelunking.” The result was the single crudest performance of my life. The people who went before me opened the door for crude humor. It’s not like I was the first one to do any. I don’t specifically recall if the joke about getting a handjob from somebody who has shit in their hands came before or after my slot, but I do recall that the girl who talked about her mother getting a vibrator and how a vibrator should be washed before be used nasally came before me. However, I still feel that my routine was a particular kind of crude because it managed to be both sexually crude, and also make use of really terrible stereotypes. Yes, friends, I spent five minutes on stage as a Cuban immigrant to south Florida who spent his time spelunking in Lindsay Lohan’s fiddly bits, for the purpose of charting them because “you can fit four or five immigrants living in an apartment the size of a celebrity coochi.” If I ever try to re-use that character, for the love of coochi, please shoot me. Apparently, I was in a sour mood from not having wanted to perform in the first place.
About half the audience left after intermission, and the second half only had about half the usual number of performers. I guess it was an off-night all around. The guy after me (and the last before that intermission) rambled for five minutes about how he has a dog that is sometimes noisy. It was sort of the highlight of the night because he didn’t manage to offend anybody. At least not that anybody noticed. Nobody actually payed much attention to him, so we weren’t quite sure what he had been talking about.
Had an audition this morning. Wasn’t great. I was running late, because I couldn’t find the place, and I stumbled through my monologue. Also, it’s for a musical, and I don’t sing. Meh, should hear back within a few days. Also, heard about a project apparently related to “America’s Next Producer,” which is being made here in Denver. I’m going to try and schedule an audition. Wouldn’t surprise me if there is an NDA associated with that one, so I may wind up not mentioning it again on the off chance it goes well. 
Finally uploaded the baby buffalo pictures to my picture gallery…
http://www.forkforge.org/forkgallery/